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The Internet
The so-called "Internet" was invented by Al Gore as a liberally-biased, poorly designed knock-off version of the far superior Internets. In the summer of 2006, Senator Ted "Jailbird" Stevens amazed the world when he told us the truth about the internet - it was in fact a series of tubes! (I knew something was up when I had to call Joe the Plumber to fix my internet!). The event, which became known as the "revealing of the tubes", became a national holiday on October 1st, 2007. Every year since then we celebrate when this great American (Republican, of course!) explained complex technology for simple folks like us. Differences Between The Internets and Mr Gore's Anti-American Internet What it doesn't have Mr. Gore's Internet: * has no tubes * does not have The eBay * has few or no Studs * lacks wikiality, Wikiality.com * does not run on truthiness * Innocents. There are no innocents on the Internet. What it does have There are very few "parts" to Mr. Gore's Internet: * a lock box * warm globes * a whoopie cushion that sighs really loudly * a dump truck * bears *4chan The Real American Internet: *Now it comes with Bible 2.0 patch! Mr. Gore's Internet by Any Other Name "Internet" can also be a noun used hand in hand with the word "email", as used by Ted Stevens, Chairman of e-commerce: I...just the other day, got an internet sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially... Clearly many email providers have been using the wrong terminology all along. Hopefully, with the help of Ted Stevens' truthiness, Internet Service Providers and free web-based email services will begin to use the right terminology when referring to the sending and receiving of an internet. The Liberal Bias of Mr. Gore's Internet In addition to facts, Mr. Gore's poorly designed, Anti-American Internet also has a well-known liberal bias. All over the Internet (not to be confused with The Internets), leftist bloggers and Anti-American factonistas publish pages and pages of facts with absolutely no heart. The Google News for one has an established history of hating the President and presenting thousands of search results that contain absolutely no truthiness. Notice how The Google has the options "Sort by Date", "Sort by Relevance", but no option to "Sort by Truthiness"? See for yourself. This is one of the major differences between the fact-infested "Internet", and the truthy, unbiased, fair and balanced Internets. Great News: Great news! America has a new tool to combat the communist libural internet! In the name of profits National Security, we must have this! The GOP has promised that once they take over the internet, we will be safe from terrorism and intrusive big government! Real America and ICE has promised that they will liberate our series of tubes from liberal filth! Free Market Internet Communist Internet continues to threat freedom and liberty, but do not worry the free market internet is here to stop this communist threat. *Free Market internet content is not free *Philippines embraces Freedom Tubes Netizen: *Cigar Man *Ten Years of Tubes *Tube Waste External Tubes *How Technology is changing The World: Robots to take over soon *Series of Tubes Tracker *Rules Regarding the use of The Series of Tubes *Internet Series of Tubes for Dummies Ladies: Women edition. Because women are too dumb unfamiliar with computers *GOP discovers the "Ethernet" *Liberal terrorist steals from the series of tubes *Blind man steals "Series of Tubes"! *The Series of Tubes is full of AIDS!!! *China's series of tubes is addictive *Kalyfornia finds cheap and efficient way to store classified documents *Germany Invades Series of Tubes: Netizens to be sent to "Series of Tubes" Summer Camp *Series of Tubes Claims another innocent victim *Libural University to adopt new E.P. Grade (Epic Fail) *Series of Tubes comes to life *Communists to Regulate Series of Tubes *Series of Tubes Celebrates 40 years of service *Series of Tubes brings more unemployment *Squirrel invades Series of Tubes *Mini-series of tubes hurt children and starts new model of irony *Series of Tubes sues gay terrorists *Father of Series of Tubes sorry for inventing Series of Tubes: "What have I done!" *Libural Series of Tubes worst than Death Panels! *Wikiality.com Welcomes Series of Tubes Master. Wikiality.com to shut down to avoid liability *Wikiality.com sells all series of tubes contents *Naughty Series of Tubes under Control of Real Americans *British Government and Big Business to seize series of tubes *Libural series of tubes crashes. Geeks cry in horror *Obama to control series of tubes *Weird facts about Series of Tubes *10 Easy ways to make money from the series of tubes *Series of Tubes creates "segregation" *Series of Tubes steals from the rich and gives it to the poor *Series of Tubes full of mean girls *Series of Tubes is full of Politiks *The Series of Tubes is not Free *Socialized Series of Tubes *World to run out of Series of Tubes in 2012 *The End of Free Series of Tubes *GOP's new website working as the free market intended *The Pentagon declares war on the libural internet *Government to Turn Off The Series of Tubes *Series of Tubes on Sale! *Joe Biden to hunt down Internet Pirates *Obama to kill Series of Tubes *God to police Series of Tubes *Series of Tubes to be Trademarked *Itarly to build a damn on Series of Tubes *Prince declares the end of the Series of Tubes *New Series of Tubes Law: Users must get a Series of Tubes License *Series of Tubes will introduce Electronic ID to track down pedobear-libural-bear-loving hippies! What could go wrong? *Wikiality.com could be seized by mooslim ninjas! *Libural Series of Tubes Shuts Down *Internet Fail *Rupert Murdoch conquers series of tubes *How the series of tubes is helping the free market *The Future of Cyber Crime *Free Market Internet will stop Socialist Internet from squandering new opportunities *Burqa to cover up shameful libural tubes *The Series of Tubes only speaks American! *Series of Tubes is dead *Teh Hiztori of teh Series of Tubes *Internet ends era of fun *Internet ruinz everything! *Series of Tubes is filled with Commie Racists! *Cyberwar taken to the next level *The Series of Tubes is watching *Univeral meme created *Series of Tubes Hates Justin Bieber *Internet invades real world *Corporations prepares long fight against Internet Pirates *Capitalist Internet wins against Commie Internet *Welcome to NSFW.org (National Student Film Week) *New Misspellings for America *Comcast one step closer to conquering the internet *Communists want their Olbermann back *The Internet Tube War: Flame War I *New Internet War! *America to censor the Internet: It is too full of junk and communist *Freedom Tubes are not free *Tubes go wild *Free Market internet destroys socialist website *Communist thieves trying to steal our internet *Free Market internet under threat *Series of Tubes to help create new era of sex tubes *Terrorist Series of Tubes threatens America's future *Free Market Series of Tubes sues Communist Tubes *Capitalist Internet for Sale! Cheap Yahoo! *Free Market Internet eats Comcast and NBC *Canadians now embracing Free Market Internet *How Egypt's series of tubes works *SK stealing some of our internet *Series of Tubes exposes the naked truth about employees *MTV chases the hot new thing: The Internet *How the Internet is killing the commies. Yay! *Police to arrest internet haters and trolls *Selfish nerds fighting to keep their liberal internet *1995: The Future of Tubes! Disclaimer *Wikiality.com has been asked by the government to provide all usernames and passwords for National security reasons *In a case of emergency the government can shut down all series of tubes and take note of your personal information... you terrorist hippie... *Wikiality is not responsible for any mental, physical, or psychological damages nor can it be liable for damages and compensations *For legal reasons the series of tubes is owned by America *I meant to say our Chinese Masters!